Occupational thoughts

Covering life on the home front.

The injustice of it all.

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A strange turn occured this morning. Peter asked me what I was going to do on Friday and I said I would relax. He didn’t like that and retorted that I should do something constructive, that I had plans and now they are seemingly abandoned. This is a lie and he knows it – it is impossible to plan for the future while constantly worrying about the present.

My reply was that I would do what I wanted to do and not what anyone else told me to do.
He said that I should ‘fuck off’.

He did of course return, say sorry, say he loves me ect… But that doesn’t disguise the fact that people will never stop trying to control you. Even when Christine came to make her pardons she tried to broker some kind of deal whereby I would be free for a bit and revise for a bit.

I didn’t do the 5 hours a day revision prescribed by the school. To a certain extent the process of revsion is nothing but a confidence-building exercise for the exam. And I abhore it: that’s why I’ve done as little as possible and I am happy. What comes naturally with or without revision is the stress of exams. I have repeated over and over again countless times that I will do my best to ignore any stress or pressure directed at me. Only it’s impossible to combat the stres which comes from inside. The stress which you inflict upon yourself is not only the strongest it’s also the hardest to ignore because it relies on an irrational sense of guilt. This guilt is generated by society who scorns those who don’t do their 5 hour quota and rewards those with meaningless grades because it might grant them a place at Oxford University which could lead to them becoming lawyers or bankers.

Society is wrong, and for this reason maybe I should ‘fuck off’ because it’s clear that if it’s freedom and happiness I’m after, this is not the place to find it.

I’ll quote some of Skyclad’s lyrics here as dressing:

These bitter litanies you keep repeating
Are verbal fingers down my mental blackboard screeching
My hopes and dreams – transparent phantoms
This wayward son’s irrational anthems

I don’t like quoting lyrics from songs but those are definitely relevant.


Written by Pierre

June 11, 2009 at 07:56

Posted in life

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